In that spirit, ten tips for a slow home, 2010:

1.  Forgive yourself and find joy

Parenting can be hard sometimes.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Let go of the idea of “success” in parenting.  Enjoy the journey.  Let go of guilt.  Our children recognize and benefit from our struggles.  Laugh!!

2.  Time and attention equals love — bring both these aspects to your home and your family

Spend time together.  Turn off the TV and the cell phone.  Cuddle up and read.  Play in the park.  Listen.  Make your rooms comfortable and inviting by adding a soft blanket to a couch, placing a  basket of children’s books by the chair.  Paying attention to another person and showing your interest is a way to express your love.

3.  Be mindful and conscious of the choices you make for your family and home

Consider your purchases — do they add to your family life or to your home in a meaningful way?  The same goes for activities — don’t fill up the schedule just to keep busy.  Often paring down and cutting back is what we really need to do.  Keep it simple.

4.  Nurture yourself

Parents can lose themselves to all the needs and responsibilities inherent in family life.  Take care of yourself.  Take a long bath.  Meditate.  Have fun.  Paint a picture. Knit.   Read a good book.  Take a walk.

5.  Ease loneliness and isolation by reaching out to others

Create community. Bake bread for a neighbor.  Host a potluck.  Be  a regular at the local farmer’s market or co-op and shop local.

6.  Outside areas are part of the home too — the backyard, the front porch — incorporate the outdoors into your family routine through play time and gardening.

It’s easy to become divorced from nature and natural processes.  Reconnect.  To start, plant herbs and flowers with your children — an easy way to begin to garden.

7.  Make something with your own hands, and help your children to make something

Intuitively we know that something that is handmade is more valuable than something machine-made, and often we pay extra for the added value.  So instead of buying something, make it:  a birthday card, cookies.  It doesn’t have to be hard and the benefits are great, including fostering a feeling of self-reliance and a sense of confidence in yourself and in your children.

8.  Bring peace to your home by establishing rhythms and routines

One way to meet the challenges of parenting — the chaotic mornings trying to get everybody to school, the difficult bedtime when everyone is tired and cranky –  is to develop routines that support healthy family living.  For example, make lunches the night before to free up the busy mornings, and set the table the night before as well.  For bedtime, develop a routine and stick to it.  You’ll find that once children know what to expect, getting them under the covers becomes much easier.

9.  Learn new ways to deal with conflict

In family life, conflict is inevitable.  One way to deal with children that are fighting with each other is to redirect their attention away from the problem.  For example, if they are fighting over a toy, offer one children a different toy, or switch gears entirely — play a game together or ask one or both of them to help you in the kitchen.

10.  Nurture the senses

Every room in the home offers a sensual experience.  Pay attention to the senses at home — light beeswax candle for their sweet honey scent, incorporate various textures into the bedroom, for a varied touch — silk, wool, cotton.  Vary the colors in the rooms for a pleasing visual effect.

Happy New Year!

It’s almost Thanksgiving, a time that many parents spend in the kitchen.  For the occasion, some simple steps towards making the kitchen a child happy space

The kitchen is where food is transformed through cooking, where the rhythms and routines of the day and week are marked by the meals we make, where children are nourished by the food they eat and nurtured by the tasks they accomplish.

Children need healthy nourishment:

• Choose whole, unprocessed food when possible – fruits, vegetables, whole grains.
• Support local food and eat organically, eat seasonally and colorfully.
• Offer a variety of food at meal times, and don’t be discouraged by picky eaters, gently offer all sorts of possibilities without entering into a power struggle over food choices.
• We sometimes “eat through our eyes” –prepare meals which are aesthetically pleasing and fun!
• Encourage independence by having a shelf or drawer or basket filled with healthy snacks and fruits, so that the children can help themselves and learn about taking care of themselves.

That said, sometimes feeding children can be a real challenge!  The thing that has helped me most is to be patient and consistent about offering a variety of food, not to get discouraged (easier said than done when no one will touch the ratatouille that took five hours to make–note to self: keep it simple), and not to get into a power struggle over food.

Include Children in Mealtime Tasks – preparation through clean up:

• Children love to cook and bake, and it is important for them to work and to feel they can contribute to the well-being of the family, and contributing helps children gain a sense of their own abilities, and a sense of self-reliance.
• Include children in the preparation, cooking, and in the cleanup of the meals.
• Have child-sized and child-friendly kitchen ware on hand:  appropriate knives, cutting boards, graters.
• Keep pots and pans and other kitchen ware low and accessible, so that children can reach them for playing and for helping and for putting things away.
• Have a low stool by the kitchen sink for washing dishes.
• Have sponges and dish rags, in the child’s favorite color, readily available to make cleanup fun and purposeful.

It really helps me to have my children involved in meal times.  And they like it too — nobody enjoys grating cheese more than my three-year old!  Sometimes it does make things a little harder — water gets spilled, cheese gets everywhere, or I have to clean up again after they have cleaned up, but most of the time, it is worth it to have them engaged, involved, helping.

Children need rhythm and routine:

• Rhythm and routines give children a sense of security and stability – keep mealtimes regular and predictable.
• Develop a meal time routine, and assign certain tasks to each child:  set the table, say grace, serve the meal, clear the table.
• If inspiration is an issue, or if you are in a rut, create a rotating weekly or monthly menu for which meals to make.
• Join with your friends and “share meals” – For ex., cook extra lasagna for a friend’s family one night, and receive a home cooked meal from them another night.

Keeping a regular schedule and having predictable routines helps children develop good habits, eases their transitions between activities, and gives them a feeling of security and confidence.  That’s not to say that spontaneous moments have no place, last-minute picnics in the park can be a lot of fun!

Happy Thanksgiving!